Monday, June 29, 2015

The Honest Truth about my Life

Friends, family, and strangers,

Recently the Lord Jesus Christ has done a big work in my life and I wanted to share what He has done with the world. He has called me to be bold when I am just a weak young woman in need of so much grace and mercy. The Father has supplied that every second of my life thus far and I know He will continue to for the rest of my life and through eternity. He has delivered me from a few different addictions. I am still blown away at God’s goodness and mercy towards me.
For about 1 year from March 2014 until March 2015 I had been very depressed. I had never been so depressed before. Sad feelings and mixed emotions had happened many times for me in my 23 years of life. But this was nothing like those fleeting,  sad feelings I had had before when I was a child, teenager, and young woman.
                    I felt downcast like it says in Psalm 42:5, “Why are you cast down O my soul, and why are you at turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.” The depression came in slowly like a mist or fog. I could see that I started to get angry at other people. I started to become dissatisfied with my life.

I became dissatisfied with my relationships with my family and friends. At first I knew why, but I did not want to admit it. I was depressed because I was not living my life. I would sit for hours looking at social media websites. Since I was not active anymore I was dissatisfied with my life.

                    I used to sing, bike, jog, go on walks, have dinner with friends, go to social gatherings. I did not want to do any of these activities anymore. The reason for this was I felt useless because the social media made me feel like a failure. This was one of the many lies I started to believe. When I believed them, I lost sight of my purpose in life.

I turned to youtube videos to get a people “fix” since I was not socializing with my friends and family like I had used to do. Any of you who know me in real life know that I am an extrovert so isolating yourself by yourself day after day is tiring, feels hopeless, and feels lonely.

                  My purpose in life is to glorify God and enjoy being in a real relationship with Him.  I knew running away from this important relationship was wrong. The social media addiction took up all the time I used to spend with Jesus and actual people. But I kept pushing the addiction aside until I could not deal with it on my own any longer.

 The addiction was to social media. This addiction led to constantly checking my Facebook account, Instagram account, pinterest, text messages, and email. All of these social media platforms controlled my life. I could not get anything done that I was responsible for in a timely manner.

 I even became angry at my parents and sister pretty easily and even other people I was not related to. I was so impatient most of the time because the social media was instant and my life was not instant like I wanted. Getting angry is fine as long as we do not sin because of the anger. As it says in God’s Word in the book of Ephesians chapter 4 verse 26, another. “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” These angry outbursts happened daily. It did not help that I had a smart phone so I could check these applications 24/7 at the touch of a button.

The smartphone had become a way for me to escape from my life. It was a way for me to isolate myself from the world around me and not deal with my sin issues immediately. The social media was a distraction and a way to be complacent from my sin.

The reason I wanted to escape my life through social media was because I knew what God wanted me to do with my life and I did not want to follow through with it. He had told me I am an artist. I am a singer, songwriter, pianist, vocalist, love to draw and paint art, and write words. I wanted to run away from my identity in Christ. I feared what other people would think if I proclaimed Jesus Christ through my life. The book of Proverbs chapter 29:25 spoke loud and clear to me. “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”

I did not want to be a “city on a hill” as I am called to be as a follower of Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. I did not want to stand out from the American(western) culture/crowd. I was afraid that if I stepped out in faith in Jesus Christ and shared my talents with others that I would get hurt.

 My life is actually really blessed by God and I started to forget this fact/truth while I wasted hours upon hours of my precious time on social media. It became so bad that it started to control my eating habits, sleep habits, friendships, and family relationships. Most of all, to my horror, my time with Jesus in prayer and reading His love letter to me disappeared altogether.  

I had let my emotions control me instead of the Truth. The reason these hours on social media were dangerous for me and leading to so much sin was because I was not daily refreshing myself in God’s Word, the Bible. I was desperate for water as it says in Psalm 42:1-2, “As the Deer pants for the flowing streams, so my soul pants for you O my God,  my soul thirsts for God, for the living God.”

 I now have learned that if I do not read the Bible daily I forget that this earth is not my home; I have a home with my Heavenly Father in heaven. The things of this world have distracted me so many days and they still do to some extent. The social media addiction was a big worldly distraction for me. Now God is teaching me how to use social media as a tool again instead of a distraction from Jesus.

Another sin issue I have dealt with my whole life has been social anxiety. As I mentioned towards the beginning of this letter, I feared man more than God. Sometimes, my fear of what others may be thinking of me has gotten so bad in the past that I have frozen in terror. I did not know what to do because I was so scared that I would become paralyzed in fear. I know now this is from the enemy Satan.

 I still deal with fear, but now I know how to deal with it. Whenever I start to fear what others may think I can think instead, “ What does God think?” That always calms me down. It gives me peace and assurance that fear is normal, but I don’t have to stay fearful. The book of Psalm chapter 27 verse 1 has been a comfort. The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”

Whenever I would see a picture of another young woman I would wish I was her. I was dissatisfied with my appearance even though God says a lot about who I am in His Word.I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” This verse is from the book of Psalms Chapter 139 verse 14.

Remember you are beautiful; Jesus loves you with an everlasting and unwavering love that can never ever be taken away from you. Look to the Lord Jesus and He will tell you great and marvelous things you do not know. He wants to speak to you.

The only way I was able to come out of the pit of depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and social media addiction was through the Word of God. Before I let myself give into the lies and believe the lies Satan was feeding me I loved the Word of God because I believed it was the Truth. Now that I have been delivered from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and social media addiction, I love the Bible again! I love life again! I love God again! He never let go of me even when I turned away and had tried to run away from Him. Jesus purused me like no one ever has. He relentlessly in love with me so much so that He took my penalty for my sin. He bore it all on His shoulders on the cross! But it did not stop there. He did not stay in the grave! He rose again on the 3rd day of being in the ground from the grave! He won over sin and death and now He is seated at the right hand of God interceding for His people the Church.

The Word of God (the Bible) proves true always! While I was in the midst of depression, anxiety, and social media addiction, the Word of God was telling me the Truth about myself, who I am, who I will become, and the world around me. It was the anchor that I needed, because it told me I was beautiful when my feelings told me I was not.

It was the anchor that I needed that told me you are gloriously loved by a Man who died for you! It was the anchor that told me you are going to be ok! Even if you were to die right now you would fall into the arms of a Savior who is the Perfect Father, Lover, Friend and Husband. It told me that when I was afraid I could put my trust and hope in God because He never changes.

So I would encourage you, look to Jesus. I looked to the world for all the answers to life. It gave me lies. When I look to Jesus Christ my personal Savior I have found the Truth about myself, my life, and the world around me. God tells us in the book of John chapter 14 verse 6, “Jesus said, “ I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life and no one comes to the Father except through me.”

When I heard those words I knew it was true even while I was still enslaved to the addiction of social media. Now I can say without any doubts that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the life and now I have access to the wonderful, merciful, Holy and loving Father of the universe through Jesus Christ. I can talk to the Lord my Father anytime, anywhere.

It’s so comforting and freeing because now I have confessed my sins to the Lord and Jesus has been faithful and just to cleanse me of my sin and unrighteousness.  

Jesus put on His shoulders all of my sin and died a gruesome death for my sin. It’s like when you are in a courtroom and you are guilty of a crime. I am guilty of so many crimes;  lying, stealing, envy, cursing, suicidal thoughts and addiction to social media, not trusting God, pride, envy, coveting, laziness, lust, and worry.

 The Judge who is the Father said, “Rebecca there is a man here who wants to pay in full your penalty of death. He wants to die for you in your place.” When the Father who is the Judge told me that, even while in the midst of my addiction to social media, I knew I was beautiful and fully loved. I knew it was the Truth, that Jesus died for me.

He died for you as well. He loves you that much to die a painful, gruesome, horrible death because He wants you to be His child. He wants to wrap His loving arms around you right now and when you see Him in person someday.

 If you have some time, I would encourage you to read your Bible. The book of John is the best place to start because it’s all about Jesus, the God who died for you,  for your sins and loves you more than any other person ever could. Your family loves you, friends love you, I love you, but Jesus Christ loves you WAY more!!! ☺

Some thoughts to consider,
#1 Jesus loves you perfectly.
#2 There is nothing that can separate you from this love.
#3 Because of this love Jesus calls us to turn away from any addictions in our lives that separate us from Him.
#4 Separating ourselves from any addiction is hard.
#5 It’s not impossible to turn away from an addiction because with God all things are possible! :)
#6 If you can read The gospel of John it is a great place to start reading.
#7 We sin each day, but God’s grace covers our sins. If you sin it’s not the end of the world. It’s just another opportunity for Christ to shape you. Its another opportunity for you to look to Jesus for help and turn away from your sin.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Gods Faithfulness when we are doubting

Hi all!

I know its been forever since I have written here. God has been teaching me a lot and I have been growing in my faith despite some doubting on my part that God would use little old me for his purposes. My church is going out on the streets tonight to share the Gospel and all day I have been nervous and doubting God can use me to share His message of salvation. He always does, but today I have been sad that I am doubtful of the Big God we serve. These songs put me back into a joyful mood and made me realize how big and amazing God is again. If we can use people like David and Esther and Mary and Hannah and Moses for his purposes he can use little old me. I may not see the fruit of my labors now but Lord willing someone later in life will give their lives to the Lord because our group decided to talk to them about Jesus.

So give these songs a listen and I hope these songs give you a glimpse of our Great and Mighty God.

How Deep the Fathers Love for Us

My Heart is Filled with Thankfulness

Behold Our God

Love in Christ,

Friday, April 25, 2014

New video uploaded! More to come!

Check out my new video of all the times I hauled from cvs. I will be uploading a favorites video for April soon and an updated curly hair video as well.

God bless!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Swing Dancing

Hi everyone! Here are some videos and photos from the other night I went swing dancing with some friends. If you follow my youtube channel you will see this dress in the Christmas gift haul I did. I love swing! I am so grateful my sister and some friends suprised me one year and took me swing dancing. Its definitely helped me find something I enjoy doing and it is also exercise so thats nice. 

The above video is the charleston, which is definitely easy once you get the hang of it and its fun. 

The above move is the Pretzel I believe.

The dance floor above is huge! It was definitely not very busy that evening. I have seen this place jam packed with hundreds of people before. 

I hope you all are having a wonderful 2014! God bless you all! I am so thankful for all of my readers and thanks for reading and supporting me through these past 4 years. 

In Christ,

Sunday, December 29, 2013

1940s style dress

Hi everyone!

I went to a world war 2 reenactment this past January and I found this dress at the flea market. I had some pictures of me wearing it, but not very good ones. So here are some more of the blue polyester dress.

 I added the red and blue fabric to the bodice for modesty and it is actually a hankerchief I also found at the same flea market at a different stall.
 The red sweater I found at a local consignment store in November and the flower I made from a fake orchid I bought at Michaels craft store and the pearls are from Canada.

A big thanks to my friend from church for taking the pictures!

God bless,

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Lord of the Rings Elven Gown

I know I am long over due with posting. So sorry I have been absent for so long! Life has been flying by and I have not taken the time to blog much. But aside from that here is my elven gown I finished up Wednesday. I wore the gown today to see the Hobbit the Desolation if Smaug and the movie was epic. Being a Hobbit and LOTR fan I had to dress the part.

 Upon cutting out the gown I thought I had enough for the sleeves, but it ended up I only had enough fabric for one sleeve. So I got some polyester burgundy fabric from the stash that matched sort of to use. That was the only disappointing thing about making this dress.

 Here is a picture I took while I was still sewing the gown before I put the sleeves on.

 I had planned to make this dress for the first Hobbit movie last year but it did not happen. So I made it for the second movie instead. The whole dress is made out of wool crepe except for the sleeves. I ran out of fabric so the sleeves are made of polyester. I trimmed the dress with lace that my sister dyed for me black.
I received many stares and compliments upon getting out of the car and going to the theater. I still cannot believe this dress actually turned out. Being a civil war reenator I am used to gowns taking ages to make and lots of tears, blood, and sweat involved. Making this dress that was not the case. Praise God! It was easy and effortless. So I watched all three Lord of the Rings movies and 3 other movies while sewing up my gown. I used the Simplicity pattern 4940.
So all in all I am extremely happy with how the gown turned out except for not having enough wool for the whole dress. I would have loved for the sleeves to make the same color as the rest of the gown. Oh well! I am a poor elf I guess. ;) I also misplaced my elf ears, so I did not get to wear them. But someday I will! I am determined.

God bless and I will try and post more but I am making no promises.
Rebecca Ann

Friday, October 18, 2013

Delight North Carolina Retreat

Hi everyone,
So I went to a retreat through the Delight group for young women pursuing God through the creative arts. Here are a few young ladies photos and photography webpages. So have a look at their work for sure and enjoy the photos.

The above photo is a picture of every single one of us all together who attended the retreat. There were 16 gals in all and we had a blast. Can't you tell!? ;) Definitely check out the Gorgeous Erin's webpage.

                       This photo was taken by the lovely Megan over at Megan Justine Photography.

Friday evening, I arrived in North Carolina at the guest home with two other lovely gals from my area. I was blown away by the non superficial atmosphere of the whole retreat. Each gal there was real, down to earth, pursuing Christ, and proud of it. :) The moment I hopped out of the car, a whole group of gals came running out of the beautiful green house excited we had arrived with open arms. Embracing the three of us, I could tell there was something different about this retreat from any other I have attended. The difference was it was not a judgmental or negative environment. But not only that, each gal had come not knowing if she would "fit in" per say or be accepted by the other gals who were coming.

This photo was taken by the hilarious and gorgeous Meredith Sledge.

And guess what? We all accepted each other because Christ the Lord accepts us with opens arms even when we mess up. He picks us up every time we fall and whispers, " My maid servant, I forgive you and I will carry you the rest of the journey." 

So as I was embraced with open arms, souls communing with other souls, and much laughter that Friday evening I was blown away by Gods Magnificent love for everyone once again. 

After being awake from 6:30 am Friday until 2am Saturday night after much anticipation, laughter, tears, long conversations, and good food my head hit the pillow wondering what God had in store a few hours later.

I woke up at 6:45am, yep you read that right 6:45am. My body naturally wakes up early because I had to retrain it this year to start doing that. Its really been a blessing for me to get up early and be able to start my day earlier. I naturally get more done in the mornings since I am naturally a morning person. But I realized that I needed more rest since I had only gotten 5 or so hours of sleep. So I spent some time with God, got some breakfast, drank some tea, and pondered what God had done. He had brought me to this house full of souls who also love creating for God. I was really astounded as I had told Erin the night before. Right now in this moment, I am still amazed at how God has changed my life because of my time with Him and 15 other creative minds for a weekend. 

So eventually, a few gals got up one by one and around 9:30 I think everyone was awake and we had our waffles, tea, and coffee, and other goodies. But the thing that was better than all the lovely food for me was the amazing fellowship. We all had never met before in person, but we all felt like sisters already. 

As a gal who grew up with only one sister and no other siblings I always admired large families, or even families with 3 kids instead of just 2. So being with lots of people has always been fun for me and I feed off of it and get inspiration and a sort of high from being around others. But doing some time with God for 2 hours after breakfast made me realize if I just had God and me I would be ok. I do not need people to breathe, I do not need people in order to function, all I need is Jesus. I realized that and now I am content even being alone in regards to people, but just being with God. Its so freeing and I feel so joyful now knowing I would be ok without anybody else. But a few months ago I was not there, but now by Gods amazing and I mean amazing grace I can function with just Him and me if I had to. He is my all in all! We sang the song " You are My All In All" one of the evenings there and it was amazing. I could sing those words and mean it! God is my all in all, no one else is. I myself am not my everything, God is now.

We did our 2 hours of God time and then ate lunch together. Then we did a group photo of everyone, which you saw above after everyone had some more time to get ready and chat some more and oh did I say chat some more. ;) 

Check out the Stellar and beautiful Elizabeth's lovely photography too!

I stayed up till 2 am again after we had some time to share with each other all together as once what God was doing in ours lives. We also prayed for any gals who asked for it then and there. We also watched a movie for the gals interested, while some edited photos, some drew, some of us including me sang along with the movie, and some created or talked. It was oh so refreshing to be around other gals who also creative things on a whim and it was not a thing on my list, but I did it anyway. I do so many things on the fly these days, such as writing a song, writing a letter, singing, playing the piano, or drawing. So it was nice to get to know others who also are creative like that too.
photo credit Anna Gray Photography

Sunday morning, when I woke I remember saying to myself, " This is going by too fast!" :) But then I said to myself, " just enjoy each moment and don't think ahead to come Monday you will have to go home. Be joyful in this moment Rebecca that God has brought you here to minister to others and be ministered to by others for Gods glory." 
photo credit Kiley Zubke Photography

We did an impromptu trip to a beach there in North Carolina that was gorgeous! So lots of the photos you will see are at that beach. After Anna Gray took pictures of me I felt like I had let go of any legalistic and terrible lies I had believed for years. I had believed the lie from Satan that I was not beautiful for years, until this year of 2013. I had also believed I should not wear dresses without sleeves or that showed much of my figure. But I wore the dress below knowing it was something God told me through the Holy Spirit gloried Him and it was ok to show my shoulders. :) So I cried when I got home and looked at all the girls photos with me in them when I got home. The reason I cried was because I could truly see that Christ has made me beautiful because He is has made me a new creation. Now I am gorgeous in His sight and I can see that in the photos of myself. Its really amazing that Christ shines through. 

photo credit Anna Gray Photography

So Sunday was amazing as well, with worship of the Lord God as many moments as I could in my head or with a pen, or with my voice, or with my words. I have realized more and more that each moment can be worship and communion with God if we let it just be. 

photo credit Anna Gray Photography
I wanted to let you all know that my outfit is a vintage 1960s cocktail dress. Its the same dress I wore in this post. Also I made the flower crown using some of my own ideas and this video. I was inspired by this pin from Pinterest too. The fake flowers I bought at Michaels Craft store, and of course for a special event you could use real flowers. I hot glued the fake flowers onto a plastic headband I already had lying around my room. :)
photo credit Anna Gray Photography

My pearl necklace was a gift from my mother when I was probably 10 years old. So its a favorite. She bought it for me when she visited Canada and brought it home to me. I wear it with pride ever since. If you wanted a similar look I know Target and Walmart and Goodwill, Sears, Kohls, J.C. Penny and thrift stores are great places to find fake or even real pearls.
photo credit Anna Gray Photography
The beaded belt was a steal from Goodwill a few years ago. I believe I only pay at the most $5.00 for it. I know hate me now. lol And the glass earrings were a gift from a choir friend. Thank you!

photo credit Anna Gray Photography

This photo above, which was also taken by the animated, down to earth Anna Gray is my favorite. The reason its my favorite is because it symbolizes me right now. I am looking forward in the picture, just like spiritually I am looking forward with my eyes on the prize/the goal. My goal in life, to commune with my God each day through creativity and in a fresh way. Jesus I love you more than words can say! 

So Saturday was a blast modeling and taking photos on the beach and then going back to the guest home and making personal pizzas and hanging out. Then Monday morning came all too soon and all the bags were packed and the house of cleaned. It was a long trip home, but it was lovely getting to jam to great music, talk, and ponder what had happened. I was so glad to have met each and every gal who was there! Each of you ladies will forever be dear real friends. I love you all! 

God bless and if you read this whole thing. Woah! ;)